The Hidden Power of Leadership Language

Over the past several weeks, leaders have been sharing with me many of the same frustrations:

• “How do I get my staff to believe in what they’re doing instead of just selling stuff?”
• “I avoid confrontation and having difficult conversations.”
• “I’m butting heads with other leaders.”
• “Our staff has become complacent.”
• “There’s a lack of trust.”
• “Our employees aren’t embracing our values.”

The bottom-line question leaders are asking is: How do I influence and impact the people I lead?

While many of us were initially inspired by the opportunity to lead, there are times when we lose sight of what leadership can do. We begin feeling resentful toward the people we lead as we see the same behaviors, patterns, problems and challenges repeated.

The secret to influencing the people we lead isn’t changing them; it’s changing the way we think, speak and communicate as leaders.

Three ways leaders speak

Leadership expert Werner Erhard shares that there are three ways of speaking that influence how we lead. Each creates a different way of seeing people and what’s possible.

1. Explanatory

These are the conversations — often the ones we have in our minds — in which we explain why people are the way they are. We analyze, rationalize and form conclusions about their behavior, then look for evidence that confirms those conclusions. These conversations help us make sense of situations, but they can also keep us stuck in fixed assumptions.

2. Evoking

These conversations are designed to create an emotional experience rather than explain or solve a problem. Like a powerful story or poem, they invite people to feel something. They can help people connect emotionally to a purpose or shared experience.

3. Generative

These conversations focus on creating a future that doesn’t yet exist. Rather than dwelling on why things are the way they are, they invite people to imagine what could be and commit to making it happen. This kind of speaking creates new possibilities for a team, an organization or a business.

Most of us move among all three ways of speaking. But the one we choose most often helps create both our mindset and the culture we create for our teams.

History is full of examples of generative language.

President John F. Kennedy challenged the United States to land a man on the moon before 1970. The Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. articulated a vision of a more united and equitable nation. Mahatma Gandhi called people toward a free and independent India. These leaders spoke about futures before anyone knew exactly how they would become reality. Generative language can include creating a vision for the future, making declarations and committing to a new possibility for your team or organization without yet knowing exactly how it will happen.

Most of us, as leaders, get stuck in explanatory ways of speaking. We explain, blame or resent the people we lead instead of creating a new possibility for them and for ourselves.

The way we speak is always shaping what comes next. The question is: Which future are you creating?

I’ve come to realize that the situations that challenge me the most as a leader and business owner are the ones that evoke the strongest emotions.

Immediately, my internal dialogue kicks in. In the moment, it can seem as though that inner voice is simply reporting the truth about my situation or the person I’m upset with.

Before I’m even aware of it, I get caught up in my commentary and the internal “reality” I’ve created. I forget that it’s simply the story I’m telling myself about the situation. This happens especially when emotions are high.

When I remember to pause, I’m better able to separate what actually happened from my interpretation of it.

Then I ask myself: What am I telling myself about this situation or person?

Next, I ask: Is what I’m believing about this person or situation actually true? Or is it simply the interpretation I’m making?

Before I can create a breakthrough in a challenging work situation, I first have to become aware of my thinking — and to stop assuming that my internal commentary is giving me the complete truth about what’s happening.

Your simple leadership practice

Notice the conversations in your head and the conversations you’re having with the people you lead, both at work and in life. Ask yourself: Am I explaining the situation, creating an emotional connection or speaking a new possibility into existence?

Most of us default to explanatory language.

We forget that we can create as leaders. We can create new possibilities instead of assuming people and situations are fixed.”

Leslie Cunningham

We forget that we can create as leaders. We can create new possibilities instead of assuming people and situations are fixed. People change. Circumstances change. The way things are today does not have to determine what happens next.

What new possibility could you begin speaking into existence for your team today?

When leaders shift from explaining why things are the way they are to speaking about what could be, engagement, ownership, accountability and performance begin to change. People stop simply reacting to circumstances and start participating in creating results.