Full Responsibility

In his book “The Success Principles,” Jack Canfield shares a story about working with W. Clement Stone, a self-made millionaire worth $600 million in 1969. He explains how Stone pulled him aside one day and asked him if he took 100% responsibility for his life. 

 “I think so,” Canfield said, and Stone replied, “This is a yes or no question — you either do or you don’t.” Canfield assured him he did indeed take responsibility for his life, and Stone asked, “Have you ever blamed anyone for any circumstance in your life? Have you ever complained about anything?” 

Canfield admitted he had. 

Stone then goes on to explain: “That means you don’t take 100% responsibility for your life. Taking 100% responsibility means you acknowledge that you create everything that happens to you. That is the prerequisite for creating a life of success. It is only by acknowledging that you have created everything up until now that you can take charge of creating the future you want.”

It’s a simple concept, to refrain from blaming and complaining, and yet it’s a challenge to change a habit. Like sticking to your diet when everyone else around you is enjoying chocolate cake, it requires you to resist the impulses, tendencies and trends that don’t get you where you want to go. 

There are three main ways we avoid taking responsibility.

1. We make excuses

Anytime we make an excuse, that’s an indicator we’re not accepting complete responsibility in some aspect of our lives. We say things like: “That’s just the way it is,” “I can’t …” and “I’m just not good with …” 

And when it comes to how we show up at work:

“That customer is always difficult and irritable. Every time the phone rings and I see their number on the caller ID, I know I’m going to have a frustrating conversation with them.”

“I know we’ve created an exciting vision for our workplace, but there’s nothing I can do to make it happen.”

“No one buys much of ____ this time of year. We just have to wait a few months until sales pick up because they always pick up during ______.”

2. We blame and complain

For any hardship, it’s easy to blame some outside force.

While we may be speaking some truth, blaming anyone or anything implies that we are powerless to change our circumstances and allows us to do nothing. 

I had one client who wisely told me, “I get so upset with the way my husband controls the checkbook — and I realize now why it’s easy for me to just blame him because then I don’t have to do anything about it.”

 3. We make commitments and break them on a whim

We have the intention to make a difference for every customer, yet as soon as we arrive to work, we get overwhelmed and start answering the phone and talking to customers in the way we always do — without the intention to truly serve, make a difference and make their day.

Taking 100% responsibility means taking the road less traveled — it requires us to break the patterns of excuse-making, blaming, complaining and acting impulsively. 

Fortunately, we can begin by taking a few simple steps to enjoy the life of success. 

Simple action steps you can take today

Track your excuses. Write down or keep a mental note of when and how often you make excuses, complain, blame and do things against your better judgment. Notice what you say to others and what you tell yourself that keeps you from taking 100% responsibility. 

Create new habits. Make a point to interrupt speech and actions that don’t support you. Next, keep the focus on your feelings, desires and the actions you intend to take to change your situation. Find ways to prevent impulse complaining and blaming.

Get support. Ask a colleague, your spouse, a family member or a close friend to help you notice when you’re blaming or complaining. Ask them to support you and hold you accountable for sticking to your intentions, goals and commitments.