From Conflict to Connection
Why listening is your best secret to a teamwork breakthrough
Listening is essential to running a successful business and creating a phenomenal team.
Employees are inevitably going to have frustrations, but that creates an opportunity to build an environment where people can share their concerns and be met with understanding.
To foster this conducive coaching culture in your business, the first step is to teach your employees to be present when listening to others instead of assessing, judging or taking sides.
A simple format
You can facilitate a conversation between people experiencing conflict, or you can simply present this process and ask if they would be willing to follow it. If you don’t have a facilitator, then take turns responding out loud to the questions in the exercise.
The facilitator asks, “Person A, are you willing to have a breakthrough with Person B? And Person B, are you willing to have a breakthrough with Person A?”
If they say, “No, I’m not,” the facilitator can say something like, “I get that you’re not willing. However, are you willing to be willing?” Continue to ask this question until they can shift their mindset and state that they are willing to create a breakthrough. The idea is to make increased space and receptivity for experiencing change.
Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” Stephen Covey, “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People”
The facilitator then designates a listener, “Person B, you are going to be the listener. As the listener, please remain quiet even though you may get upset and want to react. You don’t have to agree with everything that Person A says, but don’t interrupt with your side of the story until it’s your turn.”
Throughout the sharing, the facilitator holds a safe space for being present. The facilitator doesn’t ask the speaker to clarify or explain things and doesn’t take sides.
The opportunity is for both people to listen from a neutral place. You simply allow each story to exist and stay focused on being willing to listen while staying open and present.
If someone starts talking out of turn, simply pause and remind them, “The agreement for now is just to listen.”
After Person A shares, the facilitator thanks them and then asks Person B to share.
During this process, both people will begin to hear each other and gain an increased sense of connectedness.
Each person takes turns sharing until their frustration fades.
After two to three rounds of this process, ideally the tension relaxes and understanding begins. It’s from this place that new requests can be made.
Practice creating breakthroughs
This conversation format takes practice. You might want to try this exercise first at home with a spouse, family member or friend and then use it in your workplace.
Simply explaining the ground rules of not interrupting and taking turns can create powerful and lasting transformation.
