How to handle a difficult team member
If you’re struggling with a difficult employee, take heart — you’re not alone. This is an inherent challenge as you work toward building a successful business and team.
When it comes to inspiring employees, I invite you to take on the mindset of “It begins with me.” Nearly every situation is an opportunity to practice understanding that you are the creator of your experiences with others.
Nearly every situation is an opportunity to practice understanding that you are the creator of your experiences with others.”
Leslie Cunningham, Impact & Profits
The way you interact with others stems from your beliefs and interpretations. You create a reality through what you tell yourself is the truth about others.
For example, if I have a manager, assistant or employee that I believe is a difficult person or poor performer, my interactions with them will be affected by my belief (and insistence) that they are a poor performer. Inevitably, I will treat them like the subpar worker I perceive them to be.
I will probably resort to micromanaging, albeit subconsciously, and the undertone of my interactions will be negative and tense — even if outwardly I appear calm and friendly.
How to apply this concept
I’ve learned that the opportunity is to shift my perspective from one of “This team member or person is ____.” I then fill in the blank with whatever belief I am holding and become willing to set aside my judgments.
I do this by asking, “How am I the source or cause of what is happening in my interaction with this person?” and then listen for the insights that follow.
Several years ago, I had a team member who wasn’t adhering to an agreement he had made with me. Every day, I felt my skin bristle as I continued to witness actions and behaviors that provided evidence that he was blatantly ignoring his commitments.
One morning, I heard myself complaining about him (yet again) in my head, “I can’t believe him. How could he possibly do this? Why isn’t he adhering to our contract?”
I was aware that internal complaints are often an indicator that I’m not taking 100% responsibility for my part in a given situation.
I paused for a moment and asked myself, “How might I be the source or cause of what’s happening right now?”
I immediately realized I was placing all the responsibility on him. I wasn’t holding him accountable for his agreements because I was afraid of upsetting him. It became clear that I needed to talk with him to restate our agreements.
I reached out and scheduled a meeting with him, where I acknowledged my part in letting some things slide (in terms of holding him accountable) and reminded him of the purpose and importance of our previous agreements. I restated our agreements and let him know that I needed to see them upheld. I was calm, kind and clear. The result? The behavior stopped immediately. I no longer felt resentment each time I ran into him, and I regained my respect and appreciation for him as a team member.
Be willing to ask yourself this question right now with a difficult employee, manager, assistant or person in your life and see what kind of insights you gain.